Mourning

2016–11–23
Black is the traditional attire of a mourning spouse.
Those most affected by the loss of a loved one often observe a period of grieving.
This can be marked by withdrawal from social events and quiet, respectful behavior.

I am in mourning.
I have lost my love.
I have lost the thing that made me thrill each day.
I have lost the connection with my Master that filled me with overwhelming bliss.

I can no longer have sex with my Master.
It is too painful.
Painful to know that he goes out to fuck some other woman (actually women — a different one each month).
Try as I might, I cannot open myself to him.
The connection we had when we made love is gone.
It is no longer love-making.
It is just plain ole fucking.
I find no joy in it.

When he finally decided to act upon his desires to find other women, I withdrew.
Withdrew from all the social activities I formerly found fun.
I couldn’t be around people.
All I wanted to do was cry.
And if I could keep myself from crying, I certainly wasn’t engaged in the activity.
My friends want to know what is…